i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
