lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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