Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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