but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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