I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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