tell your sister to shave her snatch
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
