Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
