i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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