ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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