As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
