I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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