then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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