my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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