yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
