they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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