He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
