whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
