Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
