so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
