It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
