I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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