dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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