What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
