I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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