Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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