I'm going to rape someone's good day.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize