did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Apparently you make a good broom.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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