just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
