just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
