Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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