I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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