Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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