Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
