Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
They have beer where we have blood.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said âEat Freshâ while his GF was with him. FML
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