dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
