I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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