Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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