Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
