I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
