I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
