Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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