It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
