Grow some girl-balls and come out already
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
