yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
