He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
