how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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