I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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