i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
