I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
