I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
