every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
