I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
