thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
