I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
